Living in a world so cold
by Esther's way
Summary: He was haunted by his past and slowly the burden got too much to handle even for him. Nobody could see through the calm faqade, nobody heard him screaming in his sleep. Nobody until his teammate became more aware of his behaviour. She tried her hardest to help him, but is that enough?
1. Chapter 1

**Living in a world so cold**

The air was full of dark colored clouds which had given the Snow Country it's famous gloomy landscapes. This was the first time he visited the frozen lake. His mind was clouded with thoughts about how things would be if they still were alive.

Obito would be standing right in front of me, most likely with some lame excuse for his usual tardiness. His sensei? He will be standing a few miles away from the group with a plastered grin on his face combined with a observant look. The same look he worn in the heat of the battle, when every other would lost his cool. Minato- sensei never looked afraid of anything. Secretly he was a big role model for him, but he never showed a glimpse of be wonderment. And then the less striking member of team 7 Rin. She was the centre of the team. Always concerned about 'her' boys and the most responsible member.

At the age of 13 he had experienced far more than any other child from the same age. He had seen war in its most terrible state. He remembered the empty houses, the trampled bodies of acquaintances and the amount of spilled blood.

'What are you doing here?'

Awfully aware of the appearance behind him he quickly stood back from his crouching position. He stuffed his hands back in his pockets and took a slouching position. 'Ah Sakura, This a kind of funny story you see. I was just on my way to meet you and Naruto, but a old lady..'

'Enough of this! Sheesh Kakashi, your excuses are lame.' She said with a sign. Furthermore nobody would believe you on that tone.'

A silver eyebrow rose up on this response. 'O no? Naruto definitely believed me last time'

She decided not to answer instead she took the last step towards him.

'How long are you here?'

He winced through the way her words were voiced. The words sounded strained as if she doubted to speak them out loud_. Is she afraid for my answer?_ Carefully he watched her body language. Stiff shoulders, eyes down casted and a rigid composure.

'Sakura'

He didn't get her attention right away. _Hm I am wondering what she is thinking. And why is she so insecure around me? Used to be she was so care-free. _

Lightly he touched her chin with his hand. Her eyes quickly found his. The worried glance she gave him was enough to tell she wasn't comfortable. Her eyes turned into the distance before she said ' I am here to check up on you. She sighed 'you disappeared right after dinner. I.. was worried.'

The last word was quietly pronounced even with his hearing he had trouble to catch the word.

_ She was definitely nervous. A simple look could tell you that. Should I ease her? That's probably the best way to avoid further complications._

Hesitatingly he reached to her face again and stroke her hair softly. The small contact developed shivers.

'Are you cold?' he shrugged out of his jounin sweater and tied it around her slender shoulders.

The gesture meant to be innocent. The look on Sakura's face told otherwise. He watched her deep in the eyes, the emotions were on the surface. Her expressive eyes told him everything in a blink, he could read her as an open book. The passing emotions confused the hell out of him. Her face was twisted in an expression of restraint, anxiety and a glimpse of sadness.

'Sakura, you aren't afraid of me, are you? '

His voice was giving him away. He did his best to stay indifferent. The pink haired girl caught the wavering edge on his tone. Uncertain she answered his penetrating gaze with blushing cheeks. She opened her mouth, closed it and opened it again.

Suddenly she saw him making teleport signs, worried that he would run away she did a attempt to grasp his wrist. She was too late an empty feeling surrounded her. Until she was pulled back against a hard body, strong arms were circling her waist.

'Why are you afraid? I would never hurt you.' He whispered in her ear.

'Kakashi! ' the relieved, light tone betrayed her feeling.

I- I know you wouldn't hurt me. I was afraid you would left me and Naruto. Just like Sasuke did once.'

the logical part of his brain began to work. When he thought back about his behavior from the last months he understood her suspicions.

_It was careless to think they wouldn't notice the change in my behavior. I have to put this right. They don't deserve to be dragged along into my depression. I have fucked it up.._

He turned her around in his embrace and pressed her form harder into his chest. An exclamation of surprise was her reaction. Puzzled she met his charcoal eye.

'I'm going to tell you something very important, and I want you to keep it in mind. Understood?'

Confusion took her into his hold, she didn't know how to answer so she gave him a simple nod.

'Do you remember the last two months?' – it was a rhetorical question and he didn't wait for an answer.

' I was selfish.. The day he left some part of me snapped. I didn't take Sasuke serious and due my aloofness this all happened.'

His face was scrunched in pure guilt. His student didn't like this one bit .

'Kakashi' she spoke gently ' this isn't your fault. Sasuke was driven by pure hatred. Nobody could stop him even if you had taken him serious. Some things are unavoidable.'

'No Sakura, I was your sensei I should have seen the signs. And don't you dare to deny this. It's the blunt truth' he said with a final tone.

'You are pathetic, Kakashi. Really.'

An angry glint appeared in his eye. 'Sakura, don't have the guts to tell me what I am.' His tone was threatening.

From experience she knew it wasn't a clever move to piss him off. But he gave her no choice. The next move was dangerous and should be planned subtle.

She straighten her body and broke free from the tight embrace. Sarcastically she raised her eyebrow and look him into his eye.

'Who would have thought that the mighty Sharingan wielder is actually a depressive coward?'

A hiss told her she went too far nevertheless she carried on.

'you hardly deserve that eye. I bet the original owner would turn around in his grave from shame.'

That was the last straw. Her arms were tightly gripped.

'Goddamned, Sakura.. enough is enough! He shouted with a suppressed anger.

She went too far.. he never had used that voice against her. A sob formed through her sore throat her body slumped in his hold. She hadn't the courage to look up, her nerves were killing her inside. The ground has never been so interesting. Noticing the sound of movement, she still was afraid to show the raw emotion displayed on her feature. Standing silently across from his former team mate he observed her actions intently.

_What the hell was this suppose to mean? Earlier she scolded him for – kami knows what – and shouted about things she hadn't any idea of. And now.. she was sobbing. What do I have to do with this for fake sake _he thought with a slight angry feeling.

He took a second to collect his calmness. Things would get out of hand if he acted angry with her, she looked wounded enough. 'Sakura' he said gently.

The mentioned girl tried to escape his grip, she panicky looked for a way out. He held the girl tighter, pulled her into his chest and whispered in her ear ' You haven't to be afraid of me, Sakura. I would never hurt you, you know that right?'

He was surprised by her answer 'I know that. I'm really sorry for what I yelled. I completely understand if you would disbanded me from team 7.'

Utter astonishment was all what was written over his face. It took a little effort to stay indifferent, nevertheless the displayed emotion disappeared under his reserved façade before the pink headed konouchi lifted her head. He gasped for breath inwardly. The tormented eyes that were fixating on everything except him.

_Was she so uncertain about her place in team 7? Or was this about her lacking of skills in the past missions? Sure she got more distracted by the day, but that wasn't a reason for this anxiousness. Something must have occurred while the departure of the Uchiha and my absurd behavior. He knew that asking directly would set her on edge. Maybe a mind game? _

'Sakura?' The soft tone made her look up even though she tried not to look straight into his eye. 'Would you mind looking at me?'

Her relaxed face became frowned again. _Very smart Kakashi_. But she did what he said. He was planning his next move of approaching her without making the situation painfully. 'Listen, I know that-

'SAKURA!' an orange flash speeded right towards her and gave her a bone crushing hug. 'You know what?' began the blond haired enthusiastically. Over Naruto's shoulder she picked up the brief disappointed look.

She wanted to say something. Kakashi was for once glad for the bad timing of the clueless blonde. 'Yo Naruto.'

Naruto turned around and greeted his old sensei with a wide smile. 'Oi! Didn't see you there old man.' The indifferent jounin normally wouldn't pay attention to his student, but calling him a old man gone way too far. His eyebrows narrowed and his dimples appeared. Sakura recognized the sadistic hidden grin.

'Why don't you get inside, Naruto?' she tried.

Wha? But I'm just here and wait a minute. His eyes widen. 'Ah I see'

The explanation she expected stayed out. 'You what?' She shifted in her stance and tried to look patiently. But failed miserably.

'You guys! Why don't you told me?' Hysterically he waved with both hands.

Forgetting his previous ideas for the insult the blonde made a moment ago, Kakashi began to wonder as well what the idiot came up with. It was a bit out of character to ask straightaway.

''Naruto, I was showing Sakura over here some information that could be useful in the future' His hidden grin couldn't be bigger by seeing the confused glance from the pink haired and the sudden realization.

'Ah it is a new jutsu? Can you teach me, Sensei! I bet it some ultra mega super cool jutsu. One which I wiped my enemies away with a few hand signs'.

The rounded eyes from Naruto let him almost feel sorry for what he was planning to say now. Almost.

'Exactly I don't thought you are from that side, Naruto. You are really the most suprising ninja I know'.

'Err… are we talking about the same thing?''

'Kakashi, don't you dare to come up with what I think you are going to say.' A fist greeted his face.

'Ah a threat, how nice of you. You know that I can't ignore your utterly social sign.' Silence


	2. Chapter 2

Heey readers,

Firstly I would like to say how much I appreciate your comments. In the beginning I wasn't very convinced about this story, but thanks to you I enjoy writing more. Secondly this chapter is not very long, but later this week I will treat you on a bigger text. Thanks for your comments and please keep reviewing. :)

- Esther

'Ah a threat, how nice of you. You know that I can't ignore your utterly social sign.' The silence was deafening. Swiftly he caught the raised fist for his face, and pulled her towards him. Sakura too dumbfounded to react watched with big eyes. 'Idiot what the hell do..' Unable to finish her spoken words she was pressed flat against his chest. Speechless she looked up to said man and got a fast wink. Concealing the deeper meaning behind the gesture.

'Kakashi-sensei, are you insane!' the blonde scowled already making hand signs. 'Really what's got in to you, sick pervert! Air was flowing around them and shaped into a ball in Naruto's hand. Only to get dispelled by hearing the soft laughter from said man.

''You are still fun to tease, Naruto.' Freeing his student out of his hold, he couldn't stop himself from studying her face. Over the last time she and Naruto both grew considerably. They still had a long way to go but they were hardened and that while the appearing war was only at its beginning. Although the blonde hasn't lost his denseness and Sakura was a perfect resemble of Rin..

'Heey Kakashi-sensei!' he shook his head to clear his mind. This wasn't the timing to get all nostalgic . It was time to prepare to two for the devastation of war. A sigh escaped him. _Why did the hokage choose me again for this task? _The feeling of a hand circling round his wrist ensured that the last musings disappeared into the depths of his thoughts.

'' Sorry guys.'' he said in a deep voice while creasing his only visible eye. His glance gliding towards the hand which had a strong grip on his wrist. It was then she quickly let him go, her browns knitted together and her head directed to the ground. _Okay that was strange. Usually she wouldn't be so familiar with him to exactly touch him. Not that I complain, but used to be she rather made a rude comment before storming away. I would handle with this later ._''Okay, do you know why we are even here?'' just like expected the question did awake curiosity by the both of them.

The kyuubi began to voice his thoughts with a loud voice 'We are here for some extra training, that's what Baa-chan told us.' By seeing the impassive look he got a little unsure about his answer. 'Why are you looking so strange at me? It's what she told to us.' He said silently, looking to Sakura for help whose eyes were casted at her feet.

Sighing she toneless spoke out her conclusion 'I'm not sure yet' she began carefully. 'But it has to be having some connection with the many wounded in the hospital before we left for this 'training'. Shishou would never send me away in such chaotic time.'

Deciding to ignore the tone until they were alone again. He nodded affirmative 'you are close' was the only thing he gave in and then turned abruptly around to walk to the wooden cottage. The building was a sad excuse for being called a residence, it seemed more like some long ago deserted hunter's shack. The furniture wasn't much of an improvement either. To say the least it made the atmosphere around the shack less spooky. It was not much but good enough for him to feel at ease. His former pupils were more demanding when hearing the noisy comments. Planning to berate him for his sad excuse of an explanation about this whole damn mission, she got distracted by the furniture. _ 5_.. He mentally counted till she would explode and muttering curses addressed to nobody less than him.

To his surprise it didn't happen. _ Well that's something new. _ He walked to the wall planting his left leg against it while facing the couch. Naruto took the unspoken invitation and plopped on the couch. His team member looked less satisfied and choose to settle on the ground. Kakashi looked at each of them, and began talking in a serious voice. ''We are here to prepare you for the forthcoming war, he paused.

''WHAT!''

_There it was, _he sighed agitated. ''Look Naruto. Remember the border mission?''

'Yeah, but what has that do with this and all?''

''Well.. how shall I put this?'', he let the silence dragging along deliberately not really willing to begin with the basics again. His female pupil sighed and signing with a wave gesture he needed to hurry. ''Okay, Naruto what did your last mission entailed? ''

''Ya know the usual. Keeping an eye out for suspicious happenings.''

''And?'' he pressed on.

''There wasn't much to do and I still not see how this helps.'' Sakura's patient was getting thin, ''Listen Idiot'' she said a tad angry. ''Remember the explosions in the distance, far from the border. Yet close enough to see the smokey outline?'' Without waiting she continued; ''that was an attack by Cloud.''

''But what has Cloud to do with the attack?''

_Ever the denseness itself._


End file.
